November 14, 1969

Today, after the loss last week of my other journal (stolen in my suitcase from my car while in Milwaukee, Wisconsin with J.), I write again.

I arrived today at a new attitude, pray life this one will take root & grow strong - it is simply "Life Itself" meaning life itself is enough. I have felt at alternating times in the past life itself is not enough, life itself should be enough & now life itself is enough.

"LIFE ITSELF". I felt blue driving to work this morning & then this thot swept over me - coming from nowhere in particular - only I noticed that I gathered up from the snowy world around me a sense of joy, a pleasant sensation as tho of some vaguely remembered happiness & I thot I must have been happy at some similar season in some year past. It was unexpected but very welcome - I could not identify the time or place or reason - but it was unmistakeably good. And so I knew with a certainty that life itself was good - the wonder of being alive, a live human being - being 41 and in reasonably good health - being aware & alert to what? To the freshness of winter's appearance, to the once again newness of snow - the lovely soft colors of winter - there were willows like clouds of golden steam & russet oak leaves still clinging - my eyes could hear them rustle. The gentleness of the landscape where still it could be glimpsed - gentle formal arrangements of grey & black - of brown & white expressing so simply a life - renewing peaceful calm. All day saying life itself to myself was like a prayer - my god being life - simple. Life wherever & however expressed - a wonder and a miracle quite by itself - and enough, yes, enough. Suddenly every good thing was a bonus - every kind word, smile, touch, was a prize. I did not need them - I accepted them with relish - I loved their givers - I loved every degree of life, love & humanness - every good degree of being as expressed throughout the minutes of the day - I did not feel the frustration I usually feel at not being able to develop & elaborate on each one - I stood alone, simply enough, reminding myself "life itself" is sufficient & feeling it so.

Driving home at 5:00 it hit me true again - that hour - that portion of the day when light lowers & colors glow - when one feels lonely & cozy all at the same delicious time - life itself is enough when there is beauty & marvelousness in things simple & ordinary as the pattern of white & scarlet lights sparking the gathering dark, multiplying & fragmenting themselves on the glistening, black, snow-moistened pavement - as comforting as the lavender hush the day was becoming - as patient as the slumbering trees, waiting, now quietly waiting for the spring that will come, yet 5 months away.