January 4, 1963 - While Under Tranquilizers

Written while in NW Hosp. Jan. 4, 1963
while under tranqillizers
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We drove along the winding road thru the approaching dusk to the beach spoken of in knowing voices as the place for tourists to see the sunset Pie de la Cuesta. I was in a darkening mood because of the afternoon & was feeling doubly in my two-long not yet shortened sundress & sweater. We parked & walked onto the beach where we were assailed by the regular tourists. There were shelters of fronts covering deck chairs for recumbant visitors which we shunned - a husky Mexican shouting inaudible something about the bravery of a young fellow out rolling with the breakers deserving of a few pesos' appreciation. There were young girls some very young, hawking beads-strings of beads made of shells. They placed them in our hands indicating by spanish word & peddling action that the beads were for you free of charge for simply gracing the beach & then once they were in your hands being studied by your uncertain gaze; an older girl came about with her hand held toward you while she quoted & reported a price. Understanding after all & feeling rather foolish even for a shashed second believing the ruse, you repeat the million-millionth "no, no" with the million-millionth shake of your head while the children concerned walk away with a dejected tho blaming expression. As we had walked along the sand from the car single file I slipped the letter I'd written to P. earlier in the day on the balcony, overlooking the bay. He somehow fit into his pocket so Billy would not see. Now I was free to grasp the spectacle in front of me. There was no sunset worthy of a postcard but the whole greyed western sky was a glowing incandescent orange, the surf which came from the full space of the Pacific Ocean was utterly magnificent. The beach was straight, wide & flat & the great waves rolled in & broke on the shore, shaping with an earth-shaking roar. The breaking waves towered high before they broke into masses of spray & froth. The sight was magnificent, the sound was astounding - the whole effect was breath-taking & enormous. P&B walked ahead - I hung back holding up my skirt, picking my way along barefoot as close to the water as I dared & time & time again I was fooled & the water came up beyond ______ and soaked the fullness of my dress. I loved it!

The beach was rampant with