4-9-56 So Hard To Explain

It's so hard to explain & I even get embarassed when I try - I just said to Bob in a voice I couldn't make sound natural that "It was as though I needed it to exist" and he laughed in his embarrassment - thus it is, when you say something really close to yourself from deep inside you where you really are. I was referring to my need of looking at & being with mountains and all related things - such sights, sounds, smells & surroundings are very real food & drink to me - and at this point & after being house-bound, winter-bound I feel literally starved & wasting - I feel dry & parched as dormant seeds must feel waiting for warmth & moisture to ensure their continuance - I need to be, want to be, reawakened & refreshed. The pictures of the Grand Canyon whidch I have not seen & the Grand Tetons which I have seen stirred this hunger to the point of actual pangs centering in my tear ducts rather than in my stomach. It is something I really cannot explain even to myself.