June 30, 1955 - The Strangest Thing

The strangest thing just happened. I happened to glance up the hill at the Maerkers' now-empty house as I went down the front steps; when I saw the darkness of the windows, the raised blinds & the propped-open screen door, such an unusual feeling of genuine sadness filled me. I couldn't take my eyes from the sight of it - so strangely forlorn - this feeling surprised me because although Karl & Bob got along well enough & Gay & I enjoyed chattering together, we were not by any means close friends - I mean by that, there were no deep feelings between us singly or as a couple, but it was such a sincere sadness that I persisted in examining it and could only explain it so: Gay is about as different a personality from me as it is possible to be - she was always vivacious, happy as her name, sparkling and constantly chattering - but never in the ten months we've known each other, has her chatter been annoying. In fact, she makes it contagious & I was able, without being conscious of it, to return some of the gaiety & vivacity she expressed. And so it must simply be that I naturally associated this effervescence of her with the lights in their windows & the open welcoming door. Now it is so completely unnatural & inmproper to see these aspects no longer present when I look up the hill and I feel sad at their absence.