March 26, 1970

Here now, on my 42nd birthday, I am wondering how it can be that today I can feel so glad, so reasonably happy, so at peace with myself, while yesterday I felt close to breaking - lost and full of despair almost unable to function. It probably stems from many things - the weather has broken. Tho heavy snows hit Chicago & southern Wis. & Minn. and we are due for 8 degree weather tomorrow, there is something changed in the light, the air, the smells, and sounds. I feel - I know it is there - and it affects me - the weather's softening, softens me. It gives me great hope - also B. at work has been sweet & attentive - a card the other day, a greeting and lunch today - sweet and sincere looks & smiles & words tho all only of the warmest friendly naure. I think we might find comfort and warmth together if things were otherwise. J. is due for dinner tonight & I see him in a new light as well. I intend to see the best, remark on the best & being the best in this good and dear person. The yellow mum plant he brought me last week also before me - bright & glowing - the best most naturally beautiful, marvelous things in the house.