April 19, 1972 - 2 Weeks & 5 Days

I have not seen or heard from R. for 2 weeks & 5 days. It has been a hell, a particularly devastating hell & yet here I am wondering "where, oh, where are you tonight, my sweet boy?" I cannot hate him. I met J. tonight in Baldwin for a sandwich & 2 beers - a good evening & he means everything to me & yet on the way home I thot of R. & what it was about him that enthralled me & 3 words came to me - he was striking, he was deep & he was tortured. He [indecipherable] himself to me forever & his going has left a scar I will bear forever as a leech or a sucker might leave a permanent mark as it forcibly pulled away. I love him still - as a dear & pitiable & sad & endearing example of our doomed species.