January 2, 1972 - Awareness Of Him

An awareness of him comes to me at strange times - as a flash across my consciousness - for no apparent reason from no apparent cause. There he is, an essence of him, changing me w/feeling.

The terrible pull of the telephone gives going home an urgency I would sooner not feel but cannot help. I hate the hold the telephone has on me. Through it comes all my joy - I am at its mercy.

Only with him do I feel complete - that is the attraction of it. With him, next to him, in his company I am complete and that is such a necessary & desirable feeling that I am drawn to him & every evidence of him as vitally as to water.

The other morning I left my bed of love to walk the pup and found the full fat moon caught behind a silken wet of early morning clouds. It was lovely and I was lovely & in love.