January 12, 1971 - Give Me Strength

I said "Give me strength" & then I knew - there is no way to give me strength. I must find it, gather it, from within myself. That is the only source, the only place, the only way. "Alice" I said & it sounded strange to hear my name spoken by myself - it always sounds strange and somehow fine of me to hear my name spoken aloud. To be called by my name - disproportionately fine - alas, I'm sure - because I have so poor an image of myself - to hear my name aloud assures me of my existence & reassures me that I am indeed here, a being to be recognized. Give me strength, Alice - find me strength, Alice - gather strength, Alice - to say "no" - to Alice to find & seek & be what Alice indeed is & wants & wishes to be. I will.

I am looking for the unfindable.