June 9, 1972 - Last-ditch Bulwark

I am again "home" and alone - my true home, my loved home - but w/o Douglas. He moved to his dad's last night for the summer and I came up here as an anaesthetic, as a last-ditch bulwark against what I knew I would feel alone there. I knew it would be far better to be alone here even tho tomorrow aft. I must still face the house alone - with no late-returning-home of my son.

I am not sure how it will work - his being out there. Not for me - I know that - but for him. Already he called me last night to sorrowfully tell me his father had decided not to get the St. Bernard pup he'd already told Doug they had! Interestingly enough Doug himself doubted his father's veracity and had an "I'll believe it when I see it" attitude. He had hoped for it so as a replacement for Kaila for whom he is still grieving. So already there is disappointment & disillusionment.